How They Find Us I Know Not, But Find Us They Do

This came in over the transom:

I couldn't invent this. My exchange with the local librarian this morning:

ELWIN: Hello. Do you have any Robert Benchley?

LIBRETTA: Hmmm...(tapping the name into a file search) No, I don't see any. Let's see, is that Benchley with a "Y"? Is he local?

ELWIN: No, with an "I.E." First name, Robert. Try "Bob Benchlie." I'd heard he'd taken a respite from cheese-farming to write a book on ... well ... cheese-farming."

LIBRETTA: (tap-tap-tap) Hmmm...nope, not there.

ELWIN: Hard to believe. I'm disappointed.

LIBRETTA: (anticipating a gasp) Do you KNOW him?

ELWIN: Yes, I met him once at the Cheese House, where he was busy ranslating "omnia vincit amor" into the more colloquial "Love beats a blue-veined Gorgonzola."

LIBRETTA: (stifling a gasp) Uh, wait. I'll check that under "Titles."

ELWIN: (exit, anticipating a stifling gasp, and pining for Dewey's lost undefiled hierarchy and a cheddar melt)

Best, El

CONFIDENTIAL TO DANNY G: Yes, I've not only read JAWS five times, I actually stood on the bridge (courtesy of Mr. MacDonald) under which passed the very carcharodon carcharias jawggernaut used in the movie. The shuttle track used to propel the mechanical marvel was still visible.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYONE: For pity's sake, don't tell Danny it was an elongated golem. He still thinks those little bits of beachcombs stuck to his feet are Robert Shaw bio-bits.