Thursday, February 24, 2011

Inter-Office Memo


Government of the United States
Department of the Interior
Bureau of Domestic Utensils
Department of Furniture and Cabinets
User manual-Modifications

May 21, 2010

--To All Department Adjusters:

There has been a new application for the adjustment of off balance tables, chairs and cabinets just released and approved for immediate use as per DOI Statement 2203-338/a Section C1 as follows:
If confronted with a table, chair or cabinet that is lower on one side than the others and rocking or wiggling is the result, adjustments can be made with the new adjuster “The Athletic Benchley”-105 Exercises from The Detroit Athletic Club.” This appliance, while disguised as a reprint of articles by Robert Benchley written from 1920 to 1933 (inclusive){Benchley, Robert: America’s Greatest Humorist-aka Sweet Old Bob or sometimes just the initials} is the perfect thickness for propping up tables and chairs to achieve a level surface. While the Soft cover version works well in most applications, the hardbound issue is to be recommended where traffic is heavy. This appliance also adjusts by opening the cover to turn to the desired thickness by turning the pages. It is to be advised that reading the contents is not recommended as laughter, chortling, and a general lifting of spirits has been found to be the result of too intense application of the contents. Reading also slows down the leveling process.

Adjusters who desire to use this application MUST order per US Government General Services Administration guidelines on form GSA13309/443/896AP. This item should be inserted in line 134 after ”Non Foreign Aid or Budget Item”. For quicker delivery you are authorized per DOI Directive #6686 Sept 2009 to go directly to and obtain from the properly contracted contractor.

Millard Fillmore-Acting Director
Department of Furniture and Cabinets
Bureau of Domestic Utensils

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Robert Benchley Society

For more information about the Robert Benchley Society, local chapters near you, our annual Award for Humor, and our Annual Gathering, visit The RBS Website